Harrison Ford Talks About His Highly Unusual New Film "Cowboys & Aliens"

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Friday, 29 July 2011

image for Harrison Ford Talks About His Highly Unusual New Film "Cowboys & Aliens"
Harrison Ford's stunt double Dalton "Buck" Buckington. (Photo courtesy of Calista Flockhart).

VENICE BEACH - Harrison Ford and his much younger wife Calista Flockhart were having dinner at a local Gunfight At The OK Corral Steakhouse and chatting about his brand new movie Cowboys & Aliens.

Ford told Cali that he hopes that the movie is a huge success so that he can do a sequel and he can then buy her that little koala bear ranch she has always wanted down in Australia.

Just then a reporter for Hollywood Innuendo Fajita San Guacamole walked up to their table for an interview that Ford had promised her the day before.

Calista got up and said she was going to get some Tres Leches Ice Cream at a local Tacos, Tacos, and Mucho More Tacos located down the street.

San Guacamole asked Ford how he felt about his new movie. He answered that he felt that it will be a hit. He said that the producers definitely took a gamble by mixing two different genres namely the cowboys of the Old West and the space aliens of the intergalactic galaxies.

He laughed when he thought about how when he first heard the movies name before even reading the script he figured that the film was about the Dallas Cowboys and the illegal aliens of Arizona.

After reading the first two pages, he soon realized that he was quite wrong.

Ford stars as Colonel Woodrow "Illinois" Dolarhyde (the second "L" was accidentally left off of the original script by the printing company).

Woody Dolarhyde is a man who runs the town of Absolution, Arizona absolutely the way he feels like running it and not giving a rattlesnake's ass about what people think about him.

The female character in the film is Ella Swenson who is portrayed by Olivia Wilde. Ella has a knack for uttering Old West cliches like, "Hey hon, I baked you your favorite...squirrel nuts on a biscuit," "Sugar, next time you go into town can you pick me up a new butter churn," and "Say, mister last night was the best damn tummy bumpin' we've had in a montha Sundays I sure do reckon."

Ford noted that the motion picture company's special effects department worked overtime designing, building, and maintaining the more than three dozen space ships, rockets, vehicles, and electronic gadgets.

Daniel Craig stars in the film as Jake Lonergan. Jake's big claim to fame is that he once went out on a date with the legendary gun shooting exhibitionist Annie Oakley (32-22-36).

When asked how the date had gone he grinned and said that it went alright and added that just before their date she let him know that if he even dared to touch her on any part of her body that she would take her two twin .45 pistols and empty the contents into his groin region.

San Guacamole asked Mr. Ford if he could give her any info on the movie itself. He smiled and said that he did not really want to give away too much about the movie but did agree to mention a few of quotes from the film.

He said that in one scene where the space aliens first appear to the townsfolk Keith Carradine who portrays Sheriff John Taggart sees his scared grandson run up to him and the boy cries out, "Grandpa, what da eff is dat silver looking thang up thar in da freakin' sky?"

In another scene Olivia Wilde as Ella Svenson gets on her horse to go into town to buy some Ranch Dressing and she yells out "Come on giddy up bitch, daylight's a wasting, let's pretend that you're running in the Kentucky Derby."

And in a saloon scene Ana de la Reguera who portray Maria saunters over to a Texas cattle drive drover and asks "Hey Cowboy, ju wanna tutch boff of my teets for fisty cents?"

Harrison said that one problem the Yuma, Arizona production crew had was with the big tumbleweed scene. He pointed out that on the day of shooting it got so windy that the crew actually lost about 67 of their 93 tumbleweeds and last they heard all 67 had ended up somewhere down around Mexicali, Mexico.

To view some very, very sexy photos of Ana de la Reguera dressed as the saloon girl Maria go to www.anadelareguerawowwow.wow

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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