Britain's largest treasure hoard found in a back garden in Wigan

Funny story written by IainB

Tuesday, 12 July 2011

image for Britain's largest treasure hoard found in a back garden in Wigan
Just some of the coins

Two amateur treasure hunters in Wigan were tying out a new metal detector in their own back garden when they uncovered a rare haul of Roman gold and silver.

"We were staggered when it beeped over my petunias," said Kathy Trove.

"Staggered, yeah," added her husband, Trevor.

With the strength of the signal, they thought it might be a shopping trolley left buried in the garden by the previous owners of the house.

"I found this odd golden coin," Trevor said. "And then another."

All in all, the pair pulled out several thousand gold and silver coins along with cutlery, jewellery and an odd golden statue of a fat cow.

"I wondered if we could cash the cois in using one of those Coin Star machines down at Asda," said Kathy. "But my sister says it can spot foreign coins."

Instead, they called the council, who misunderstood and sent the refuse and recycle team round.

"As soon as I saw it," said Refuse Technician, Bob Apples, "I knew what it was. Obvious the temptations there to like take it off their hands, after all that's what I were sent there to do. But they don't call me Honest Bob."

With Bob's help, the Troves got Sian Lawn from Wigan Museum of Industry, the closest thing to a past Wigan has.

"I catalogued it all," said Sian. "And I notified the authorities. When we finally got it valued, it came in at three and a half million pounds."

"That's three and a half million pounds in today's money," said Kathy.

"We're planning on moving out of Wigan," said Trevor. "Somewhere posher, like Bolton, or maybe Preston. We've got to leave the area really, all out neighbours are frantically ripping up their gardens now."

The pieces will be sold at auction next Thursday and the Bob will get his reward as the Troves have offered him an equal share.

"I've not got this lucky," said Bob, "since I found all that copper just lying around in somebody's pipework."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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