Written by Dr Jon

Tuesday, 12 July 2011

image for Man who Owned Newspaper to Blame for Everything
All in favour of blaming someone else, say "Aye!"

Researchers have today uncovered conclusive proof that an Australian man who owns some newspapers is to blame for everything bad that happened in the last twenty years.

"It's been a living hell" said Mr T.B, a former lawyer, "for years I had to do everything the Australian man said. Otherwise, he wouldn't tell people how great I was."

"I mean, what choice did I have?"

Mr D.C, who as far as anyone can see, has never had a fucking proper job, concurs "I'm terrified of the Australian man" he confided "so terrified that I could barely run the bloody country or look after it's inhabitants for fear that he might be cross."

Mr G.B, a weird Scots bloke, Mr E.M, a strange geezer who shafted his brother, and some total loser, N.C, all agree. "We never really got on his good side" they told us, "but that didn't stop us trying. Again and again. And again and again. Almost to the point where all our dignity was shredded and we were national laughing stocks. That much."

What they all agree, and what everyone agrees, including the millions of people who buy the Sun, the Times and watch Sky all agree is that something should have been done a long time ago.

"It's disgraceful" says absolutely everybody asked. "It's totally fucking obvious what's been going on. Someone, someone else, obviously not me, I was powerless, should have done something."

"I mean, for fuck's sake, think of the children."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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