Written by Ellis Ian Fields

Thursday, 21 April 2011

image for Wolverhampton Brought To Standstill By Sheep

Police were desperately trying to get Wolverhampton city centre moving again ths afternoon after it was gridlocked by herds of sheep.

The bleating woolly-backs blocked all the main routes into and out of the centre and proved extremely difficult to round up.

According to unconfirmed reports, the sheep belong to celebrated former cricketer and England captain, Baroness Rachel Heyhoe Flint, who was granted the freedom of Wolverhampton yesterday.

The honour gives her the right to drive sheep through the city.

Said Chief Insp Colin Ungulate of the West Midlands Road Traffic Division: "We had no idea the Baroness would take her freedoms so literally - we also didn't know she owned so many sheep!

"It's absolute chaos out there.

Unfortunately, we're mainly an urban force with few farming skills so herding sheep doesn't come easily to us. We can't use the dog division - those German Shepherds would have a field day with all that potential mutton!

"And some of those ewes that have new lambs with them can get quite aggressive. A few of our lads and lasses have had some nasty butts.

"We are warning motorists to stay away from Wolverhampton centre for the next 24 hours."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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