Security service chiefs say they have uncovered a plot by well-known terrorist group al-Qaeda to carry out a Royal Wedding bomb attack on the dress due to be worn by Kate Middleton. But, they say, the attack would have proved pointless, as the dress is bombproof.
TITANIUM BEADING
The dress, which has been designed by Sophie Cranston of the Libélula label, is made from a special fabric which is resistant to the effects of an explosive device up to 3 megatonnes, and is interwoven with exquisite titanium beading.
CULTURAL IDEALISM
Just as in the 2001 World Trade Center bombings, when al-Qaeda attacked what they saw as the symbol of western financial extortion, they now seem to have identified Miss Middleton's dress as the ultimate symbol of western cultural idealism.
SHERMAN TANK
Islamic hatred, though, was something Miss Cranston was acutely aware of as she beavered away in her Dulwich studio putting the finishing touches to the dress that is not only a beautiful creation, but could also withstand a direct hit from a Sherman tank.
CEREMONY
Miss Cranston has also designed several other 'dummy back-up' dresses to confuse and distract any would-be Islamic fundamentalists who might turn out to be wedding-haters, and try to detonate themselves near Prince William and his bride during the ceremony.
What a right, Royal mess that would be! Dickens!
