Police Forces Adopt New Speed Guidelines

Funny story written by grimbo

Sunday, 10 April 2011

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Many police forces in England and Wales have issued new guidelines that allow their officers to use 'speed' or amphetamine to stimulate their senses and enable them to work longer.

Police spokesman Detective Inspector Leo Thornton explains :

"In the current economic climate, police forces across the country are facing swingeing cuts in resources. As a result, many of our officers are being required to work longer shifts in order to ensure that all essential duties ate carried out.

"In recognition of the increasing demands on our staff, the Association of Chief Constables have decreed that all front line officers be issued with Benzedrine inhalers similar to those which were issued during World War 2 to combat soldiers' fatigue and increase alertness".

Thornton conceded that this measure could be detrimental to the health of some officers.

"I accept that this is a calculated risk as some of the side effects of amphetamine use include irritability and aggression as well as excessive feelings of power and superiority".

So no change there, then.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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