New Anti Crime Tool Unveiled

Funny story written by grimbo

Wednesday, 16 March 2011

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The Coalition Government has announced a new measure in the fight against cyber and more traditional forms of crime.

At present, social networking sites Facebook and Twitter have tools such as Trusted Friends and other toolbars by which users can report potential stalkers or bullies.

The government is concerned that non computer users may feel that their options are limited so it has moved quickly to address that worry.

Coalition spokesman Dianne Trumble explained :

"From April First, a new anti crime force will be available to all UK citizens, whether cyber indulgers or not.

It is to be called the Police.

Thousands of police officials or Officers will be located in every county in the nation and will be available 24 hours a day to deal with actual or suspected crime.

The officers will be easily identified by their dark blue uniforms and hats or helmets as well as an increasing number of weapons attached to their belts.

If they are not to be seen walking the streets of out towns and cities, they can probably be located queuing in the nearest MacDonalds or Burger King for their much needed elevenses, or standing in line in the Post Office waiting to get a first class stamp to put on a close relative's birthday card.

They will be known by various nomenclatures - historians will refer to them as Bobbies or Peelers, the younger generation will call them Fuzz, Scum or Five O, and the rest of us will simply know them as The Bill or The Boys in Blue.

Not only will they deal with traditional issues such as theft, mugging, breach of the peace or assault, but cyber crimes can also be reported to them - despite the savage cut backs our government are enforcing, each police station should still have at least one computer terminal for every hundred officers.

We hope that the general public will use this valuable new resource".

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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