Google claims EU investigation is invasion of privacy

Funny story written by Deafo

Tuesday, 30 November 2010

image for Google claims EU investigation is invasion of privacy
The investigation has yielded little of merit

Google has claimed a European Commission investigation into the company following complaints from other search engines could be in breach of the very privacy laws it circumvents with aplomb.

The EC intends to examine whether the worlds largest search engine penalized competing services in its results by translating them into near deceased foreign dialects, with plans afoot to conduct several keyword searches on Google to determine if there is any substance to the allegations.

The probe follows complaints from a price comparison site and legal search engine, Legaleyes, that search results for their companies were returned in an Inuit dialect spoken by a town with a population of less than a hundred.

Google denies the accusations saying the towns population was well in excess of two hundred a fifty and vowed to prevent any information being revealed on the matter saying its privacy was more important then anyone elses.

'Think about it. We hold sensitive information on every Tom, Dick and Harry's, Tom, Dick and Harry. That's a lot of Tom's, Dicks and Harry's, more than there are in the world.

'So it would be irresponsible of us to just allow someone to come and peer over our shoulder or stick their head through our front window and take a picture.

'No. Our victims deserve better and accordingly we assure them that we won't let anyone snoop on our snooping.

Legaleyes spokesperson Edgar Mallet said suspicions were raised when it was bombarded by indecipherable messages emanating from the Canadian Arctic region.

'We were shocked. We managed to Skype the guy, and at first we thought wow, Mel Gibson had really let himself go, but it soon became clear it was an alternative take on incoherent rambling.'

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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