Written by Deafo

Thursday, 25 November 2010

image for Psychic Police commissioner predicts more student disorder
The face of teaching has changed forever

Psychic Metropolitan Police Commissioner Sir Paul Stephenson has said he expects more student disorder on our streets but is refusing to give the exact location of where they will occur.

He says this is to ensure 'terror tourists' with no interest in the cause don't just show up to watch some students take a good kicking.

Sir Paul Stephenson's insight comes the day after the second mass student protest, which he said he predicted in 1987 whilst applying a tourniquet to his constabularies pet cockatoo says his prediction was dismissed as 'bum-rush folly' by his seniors.

'No one would listen then, they weren't interested in policing an event 23 years away. I was shocked.'

'I don't want to publicize exactly when the next one will be to prevent what we call 'terror tourism, where people just turn up to watch.'

'Knowing these things for such a long time can be extremely stressful. Having to wait 23 years to legitimately brutalize a student took its toll.'

He went on to predict heavy snowfall for parts of the UK overnight, but once again refused to give exact locations claiming it was difficult to recognize exactly where because his visions just revealed places covered in snow.

'There were no distinguishing features bar the snow. For me to say where would be impossible. You heard it here first.'

The Education Activist Network (EAN) spokesperson Paul Down, who helped organize Wednesdays protest said they were fully aware of when the next protests were scheduled, and it was of much more interest to them to know the exact whereabouts of the anticipated snowfall so they could try and blag another day out of college.

'Trying to tell my teacher I was stuck in a kettle when I should have been at class went down like a lead balloon. But snow, that's a piece of piss.'

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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