Boris insists on capitals fireworks being 'anchored'

Funny story written by Deafo

Friday, 5 November 2010

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Mayor of London Boris Johnson has been labelled a killjoy for his insistence on all fireworks discharged over the weekend being anchored to ensure they land in the borough of origin.

'Cross borough' firework incidents were at an all time high last year, leading to immense strain being placed on local authorities respective refuse collecting teams.

Mayor Boris Johnson said 'Last year's fireworks night had massive repercussions for the cities councils. Take Brixton for example. There were more fireworks discharged per capita there then anywhere else in the City and this had a huge impact on other boroughs, specifically Wandsworth. The refuse team there were left picking up fireworks for weeks and we felt it totally unacceptable that council tax payers from neighbouring boroughs should pick up the tab for the cackhandedness of another councils citizens.'

A length of twine, no less than three hundred feet long, will need to be tied to a concrete breeze block and attached to the firework before they can be discharged.

The move has led to a number of firework displays across the capital being cancelled due to a shortage of twine.

Rajesh Platell, a shop owner from Brixton said that he hadn't seen such a demand for twine since the Brixton riots in the eighties.

'It's unbelievable, sales have literally gone through the roof. We can't thank Boris enough.'

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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