New, Safe, Digital Fireworks

Funny story written by Xavier

Thursday, 7 October 2010

image for New, Safe, Digital Fireworks
New ICatherinewheel from Apple

The weeks leading up to November 5th, always a worrying time for the Fire Brigade and hospitals.

Now there's a solution - digital fireworks.

Instead of lighting the touchpaper and running for your life, all you need do with the new Digital Fireworks is press the 'Start' button.

For the new bangers various coloured lights flash and then a female voice with an American accent says - 'bang'.

The Sony Digital Rocket fits into a plastic milk container, flashes LEDs then a deadpan American voice says - 'whizz - whoo - pfut'

The Panasonic Catherine Wheel attaches to a fence with a nail and has a small motor which spins it whilst various lights flash and the voice says, "whoooosh".

We tried out the Sony digital rocket for you with mixed results. It took 3 minutes to boot up, started well, but then crashed.

Hewlett Packard have a rival rocket which we attempted to try for you but all it ever did was say, 'Paper Jam - open back'.

Sinclair sent us one of their digital rockets to try but it didn't work - no change there then.

At the last minute we received the new Apple ICatherinewheel; it cost twice as much as the others and ran at only half the speed but did come in a very nice shiny grey box.

It really is an exciting time for new fireworks with everything from the Bayliss wind-up rocket to the Dyson electronic bangers which hoover your carpet before saying, 'bang!'.

It looks like being a safe and quiet November 5th

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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