London's Burning

Funny story written by Karina Evans

Tuesday, 26 October 2010


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The heartbreaking song 'London's Burning' could become a stark reality, if the proposed firefighters' strike goes ahead on Bonfire Night this year. 

The Fire Brigade Union have told firefighters not to fetch the engines on 5th November, even when begged to by people in pain, squealing with terror, with sparklers stuck up their noses. They are planning to strike against proposed plans to change their shift pattern to something disturbingly shit. 

Union chairman, Brian Coleman, states: 'This is appalling. Fight fire with fire. There's no smoke without fire. Too many fires spoil the fire. Firestarter, twisted firestarter. What was the question?'

The proposed shift pattern change is to incorporate community work, during the longer, less fiery, day shifts. London Fire Commissioner, Ron Dobson, defended the proposed change: 'they'll be able to give out free smoke alarms to people who can't be arsed to buy them themselves. I don't really see the problem. Pour the water. FIRE FIRE, etcetera'.

Parliament's All Party Fire Safety and Rescue Group member and Tory MP, Nadhim Zahawi, has called for ministers to enforce a no-strike ban on firefighters. 'They should put up and shut up', stormed Mr Zahawi, 'I'm not threatening them, but if they don't call off this strike, I'm going to hunt them down and kill each and every fucking one of them, then fight all the fires myself. With fucking fire'.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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