This reporter can today exclusively reveal that Liverpool boss Woy Hodgson is in fact one of J.K. Rowling's infamous dementors of Azkaban.
Suspicions were aroused when reporter Mike Gatspy travelled to see Hodgson's team of underachievers and apparent non triers resoundingly beaten by local rivals Everton at Goodison last weekend. Sat with the fans of the once proud five times European champions, Gatspy, who was eating chocolate throughout the game, was struck by the looks of horror etched into their faces, and the frequent cries of "I feel like all the happiness has been sucked from me, that I'm never gonna be happy again, wackhhh"
It's fair to say that Professor Shankleydore, who once claimed that football was more important than life and death but was proved wrong when he expired, will be spinning in his grave.
Former Kopwarts headmaster Professor Kenny will be 60 in March.