Written by matthatt

Monday, 18 October 2010

image for Local man chokes on cheesy balls.

A local man is recovering from a near death experience today following a home accident involving cheesy ball shaped corn snacks. The incident took place on the sofa in his sitting room while he was enjoying an afternoon munch.

According to his girlfriend, he was getting near the bottom of the super sized bag of the popular cheesy comestibles and found a compacted nugget of cheesy flavouring dust essence, rolling around the bottom of the bag, the holy grail of cheesy ball and puff aficionados.

At first he attempted to extricate the concentrated cheesy mélange with a saliva tipped finger, but was only able to snare a small amount of the succulent cheesy juice powder into his slavering maw, although it was enough to induce a cheese rush which brought about a maniacal cheese lust, prompting the gutsy gorgonzola gobbler to upend the packet, cheese dust, balls and all.

'I was sitting there reading my book' said the stricken mans other half 'and all of a sudden I heard this loud "ACK" noise.

She looked up in time to see his puce face swell with an apparent cheese overdose, head tilted back, throat open, he emitted a second "ACK" accompanied by one of the slightly soggy spherical snacks being ejected from his obviously over burdened oesophagus and describe a graceful arabesque through the air, catching the late afternoon sun, as it slanted through the window, which lent the partially perished projectile an almost seraphic pallor, not unlike the sweat beaded brow of the daybed burrowed, ball banqueting behemoth.

Apparently it was only the quick thinking of the greedy guzzlers girlfriend that saved him from slipping beyond the veil.

'Well not just that' chimed the long suffering ad hoc home help, 'I had to learn the Heimlich manoeuvre specially, because the local hospital are fed up with me wheeling him in there several times a week from food related near fatalities, the fat bastard!'

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Local, cheese, Snacks




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