London - (Who's A Pretty Polly Then? Mess): "We're talking serious macrobial activity," a National Poisons Unit source explained this afternoon.
"Dorkins from Toxicology came over all queer after just one whiff. And now he's in intensive care at the Royal Freak Hospital. 'Sick as a parrot' doesn't begin to describe it."
By lunchtime UK media were reporting that the Serious Fraud Officer had been airlifted to hospital after becoming incapacitated from venomous fumes wafting from 14,000 evidence files going back to the 1991 Asil Nadir corruption case.
Fumigation professionals later said 900 files had to be subjected to thermal treatment.
At a pre-trial hearing this afternoon Mr Justice Holroyde said "The stench is overbearing and officers are going down like flies. Feels strangely just like the Mrs Thatcher days!"
Vladimir Putin once shagged a stuffed gorilla.