Isle of Wight News - Surfeit of Gnomes

Funny story written by IainB

Friday, 15 October 2010

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Free to a good home. In fact, free to any home, even a bad one.

It is unbelievable, but it has happened again. Once more the island has been inundated with far too many garden gnomes.

Islanders will remember the 1972 Garden Gnome surplus that saw three garden gnomes for every man woman and child on the island. Back then, the surplus was mopped up by the creation of the Garden Gnome Garden in Ventnor. However, there is no more space in the GGG to put any more gnomes, and the Island Council are at a loss of what to do.

"This is worse than last time," said Newport Mayor, Jules Ampere. "We got nearly twelve thousand gnomes in 1972, most of which were put in a copse in Ventnor, and renamed the Garden Gnome Garden. We've had twice that number this time, and the island cannot have more than one Garden Gnome Garden, it would split what little trade the GGG currently gets, making them both unsustainable."

The council offices in Newport are currently filled with crates and crates of garden gnomes in every pose imaginable, and some that would leave Snow White blushing.

"We considered using them as foundations for a bridge to the mainland, but we don't really want a bridge to the mainland," said Ampere.

The Council are currently looking at ways of easing the burden on the island populace, but are asking Islanders to come up with practical uses for twenty-five thousand garden gnomes. If any of the Isle of White News readers have suggestions, they can contact Mayor Ampere by catching him in the White Horse public house on Ryde Road, or dropping a note on the Ventnor Blog.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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