Wayne Rooney has been seen in central Manchester with his mother-in-law, Colette. Sources close to the family are saying that Coleen decided to send Rooney on a shopping trip with her mum, in an attempt to rebuild the bridges he destroyed, while he was fooling around with three hookers, when she was up the duff.
Rooney looked less than comfortable. If he suffered from piles, he would have been reaching for the tube of Anusol. Equally, Collette did not look too comfortable, failing to raise so much as a smile and probably worrying that Rooney was eyeing her arse and thinking about various possibilities.
However, Rooney was the perfect gentleman, carrying a number of Primark bags for his mum-in-law. He even dropped her at the bus stop, so she could catch the bus home. Although this is more likely to be due to Rooney's continuing inability to face his father-in-law, who still wants to skull fuck him, rip his head off and shit down his neck.
Rooney was last seen heading towards Moss Side for a massage and some extras.