Fake Signs Cause Town Centre Havoc

Funny story written by Nick Hobbs

Monday, 27 September 2010

image for Fake Signs Cause Town Centre Havoc
Duped. He only came out for a kebab, but left with a weeks worth of pasties and cakes.

Shoppers in High Wycombe were sent in to a tizzy on Thursday last, when jokers put up a myriad of fake signs in the town centre.

Local man Billy Bunce was astounded. "I was astounded," he said.

The first sign was noticed pointing to a large building, telling prospective shoppers that an all day breakfast was available inside, at just £1.99, coffee included.

However, upon entering the building they discovered that it was in fact the Town Council Planning Office. "I was really looking forward to a value bacon breakfast, but all I walked out with was permission to put up a shed in my garden. I don't even want a bloody shed," said Margaret Bliss, one of the duped victims.

Harry Farmville, a 52 year old travelling salesman, was conned by a sign on the outskirts of the town centre. He told us "I was looking for Beaconsfield and was doing quite well, but as I turned in and parked up, I saw the shop fronts had 'High Wycombe' on them. And I kept seeing work vans with Wycombe trading names. It dawned on me I was in the wrong town." The delay caused Mr Farmville to lose a potential sale of bicycle saddles.

We heard other, shocking, stories of people who were duped in to buying all manner of unwanted items at a jumble sale. Carol Bandersnatch told us "I followed a sign for discounted jewellery. 50% off all day it said! When I walked in it was just jumble everywhere. I got out as quick as I could, but not before I'd been forced to buy a floral patterned dress and some pot pourri in a handmade basket."

An unidentified man in his early thirties was seen running from the same sale holding a newly purchased floppy giraffe toy with a missing eye and a pair of Gola daps, three sizes too small for him.

Lenny Runcorn, a retired street sweeper, was duped in to having a yoga class. "I saw a huge sign advertising a model fair. I'm a bit partial to the railways, and I've got a scale model of the Southwell-Mansfield line in my attic. Anyway, after going in, I realised I was in a yoga class. Before I could say 'whoops, my mistake' I was in a leotard being bent all up and under, something wicked!"

Town officials have refused to comment on the misleading signage. A source close to the council, who refused to be named, told us "they won't admit it, but I think it was an inside job. Talk around the offices is all about increasing footfall throughout the town. I believe this to be a cunning way of forcing shoppers into town, and to spend their money!"

The signs were later removed by police and council highways workers and dumped along the M40.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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