BOSTON – (Satire News) – The Massachusetts legislature has just passed a bill that mandates that all of the state’s red stop signs be replaced with blue ones. Mimosa Sabrosa, with The Alpha Beta News Agency, reported that the vote was 99-1 in favo…
Cody Gray of Nashville, Tennessee, had an unfortunate habit of having just a little - okay, a lot – too much to drink and then recklessly driving himself home. He’d never had an accident or been stopped by the police, but in the back of his mind, he...
Decadence refers to deteriorated standards, morals, loss of dignity, indulgence in power, pleasure or luxury, sex, crime, lawlessness, loss of economic discipline due to the corruption of state officials', repulsive corrupt bureaucracy etc. Undoubtedly, in such a society we witness cultural decay: decline of education, the weakening of cultural foundations, loss of respect for tradition including...
Brother Joseph McKinney has launched a lawsuit against the star Kim Kardashian after she took a sign that he was carrying on the street, and beat him up with it. The old guy received a concussion and an ambulance had to rush him to the nearest hos...
MADISON, Wisconsin - A spokesperson for the governor's office has stated that he wants to thank all of the concerned citizens who have brought the practice of duplicate and triplicate signs to the state's attention. Gideon Hookerfaust, 48, speakin...
I very often see signs that strike me as being very funny. For example there is a sign on a cart in the mall near where I live that reads; 'Ears pierced while you wait'. Is that opposed to leaving your ears while you go get a cup of coffee? Nearby there is another sign that reads; 'Children left unattended will be returned to their rightful parents.' I sure hope they get that one right. Near...
Having spent millions ensuring every sign and leaflet in Wales is in both Welsh and English, thus ensuring the survival of the language, the Welsh are now to redo all road signs with miles on, and replace them with fathoms. "We don't like the mile...
LOS ANGELES - Caving in to strong public opinion Los Angeles Mayor Eric Garcetti has just issue a Mayoral Directive that he says will go into effect at 12:03 a.m. on Thursday, August 22. Mayor Garcetti informed the news media that after receiving...
As I continue to wander round this green and pleasant land, I have seen many a sign. These are normally yellow and inform me that the reason it's taking ages to get anywhere, is because there is a lane closed in Birmingham. Most signs are useful. They provide important information, such as if you drive round the next bend at your current speed, you will fly off the edge of a cliff and discover if...
As I wander round this great country of ours, I have come across a many a sign that is completely pointless, useless and a waste of materials. The first one I cam across was a badly handwritten sign in an optician's window. It was written on a sheet of A5 paper, in red ball point pen and said "Free eye tests tomorrow". Who was this sign aimed at? It was, in itself, a free eye test. If you could...
In a bid to help the blind and partially sighted, a new scheme of Street Braille is to be rolled out across the UK after a successful trial in Stockport. Over the coming weeks, bumps will appear on pavements across Britain's streets informing the...
A large group of people seen milling about outside a factory in Lancaster have been identified as the Sign Writers' Union. The members of the Sign Writers' Union (SUW) had gone on strike and formed a picket line to protest against their pay and co...
18. When you start getting less than 25 take-away leaflets through your door each day. 17. When the rioters torch police stations, without using petrol, just wood and old newspapers. 16. When William Hague cuts down his posh hotel room weekend rendezvous to with only one male assistant. 15. Shop assistants start to say please, and thank you. 14. Suicide is made legal, pills available @...
Just in time for Spring and Summer, the Astrological Star Society based in Jackson Hole, Wyoming has expanded its customized translations for the workforce by including specialized astrology readings for working class women and men in the Crack Whore profession. Starting in May, the A.S.S. will publish new insight gleaned from the stars to guide your personal and professional lives. The stars are...
All the below are genuine signs noted by people throughout the UK. Sign in a launderette: Automatic washing machines - please remove all your clothes when the light goes out. Sign in a London department store: The Bargain Basement is now upstairs. Outside a farm in Nottinghamshire: Horse manure 50p per pre-packed bag 20p do-it-yourself. In a Security Company office: After taking...
In the event that you are showing signs of adopting any of the traits or habits below, and you are under 30 years of age, then you are maturing too fast! In the event that you are over 30, and not finding any of the traits below are applicable to you - then you are childish and underdeveloped mentally. 1. You leave clubs before the end to "beat the rush". 2. You get more excited about h...
After many complaints from fans, the Board of Directors of the Stadium have agreed on designating certain strategically located Rest Rooms for those who "have to go really bad." Stadium Security have gone through extensive training and will be on...
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