How to Avoid Receipt Checking At Wal*Mart: Be White.

Funny story written by anthonyrosania

Wednesday, 22 September 2010


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I defy anyone to give me one credible example of the following occurring at any Wal Mart in the United States:

Two families, one Causasian, one African-American or Latino, check out and simultaneously push their shopping carts toward the front door. The 95-year-old retiree, or Down's Syndrome victim standing at the front walks toward the two families, Magic Marker at the ready. He or she checks each item in the Caucasian family's cart against the receipt, ensuring that the 55-gallon vat of dill pickles teetering therein was paid for.

He or she waves the non-white family through the door.

You can't, because it doesn't fucking happen.

I suspect that history will judge Wal*Mart unwritten policy the same way we now judge George Wallace at the University of Alabama in 1963. And history should judge each and every person who gives a nickel to a Wal*Mart cashier and allows those assholes to so much as smell your receipt the same: If you do not take a stand against bigotry and violations of personal freedoms, you're just as guilty.

Too many times I have walked the fuck out of Wal*Mart without my receipt handy, while watching an African-American family slow their pace toward the door in order to get their papers in order. Meanwhile, I could've been balancing an HDTV on the tip of my dick, and no one would've said a word to me.

Why The Uncensored Curse-words?

Because I am fucking mad.

It is especially hurtful when the family trying to leave struggles with the English language. Imagine how frightening it would be if you were stopped by Gestapo-esque store employees, yelling and pointing in a language you weren't fluent in?

(It is especially fun when I decide to 'help out' by translating from English to Spanish. I make it my goal to make fun of the employee while translating, just to make the family feel better. And I know that every English-only speaker in our fair land believes that, when people are conversing in Spanish nearby, they are the butt of the joke.*)

How can you help?

The next time you "Sir, I must see your receipt before you leave," respond with, "No, I will not. I wish to leave. Please get out of my way." They won't put a fucking hand on you.**

Why? Because if they had probable cause to believe you committed a crime, a 300-pound security guard would already be pulling your arms behind your back.

You know this shit happens. You know it's wrong. And you have a moral obligation to risk a bit of inconvenience to do something about it.

* They are. Always. Every single time. "Madricon" does not mean "Sir" in Spanish, BTW.

** If you are touched, pull out your cell phone and dial (star)911. Get the police there. And get a civil attorney certified to try cases in Federal Court, because Wal*Mart always gets improper detention cases kicked to Federal court.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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