Written by IainB

Monday, 27 September 2010

image for The other things David Beckham did not do
This is NOT Becks using Victoria to clean his kitchen

Hot on the news that David Beckham did not pay two prostitutes for a lesbian romp, several other things he did not do are emerging.

David Beckham has not murdered Victoria and replaced her with a lookee-likee. The murder was not committed in order for Becks to get some relief from her singing. Nor was it committed because the mop was broken, and Golden Balls needed to clean the kitchen floor.

Contrary to any rumours that may or may not exist, Beckham has not set up his own publishing house in order to provide an outlet for his children's stories. His children have not written any stories worthy of publishing, and have never written a story about how they saw David cleaning the kitchen floor with their mother.

Elsewhere, David Beckham has not bought Burnley. Not the football club, although he has not bought that either, the town. It is the town of Burnley that Beckham has not bought. There is no truth in that whatsoever, although Beckham has visited the town at least once he has never paid any money for it.

Nor is there any truth in saying that David Beckham has set up a school for dis-numerate children in Mumbai.

Finally, David Beckham has not said yes to Ed Milliband's request that the ex-United player takes on the cabinet role of Sport's Minister. He will not be the MP for Buckingham East. He will not be joining the slightly shorter of the two Millibands in Westminster.

As we find more things that David Beckham has not done, we will report on them immediately.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: David Beckham, Lies

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