Prison Warders Oppose Drugs Crackdown

Funny story written by Xavier

Friday, 27 August 2010

Prison warders at some of England's largest prisons have threatened a long term walk-out over plans to increase drug testing and searching in their prisons.

An inside spokeswoman told Spoof, "Warders are at the lowest end of the pay scale and if their earnings through the supply of drugs to prisoners is to be limited they want the government to make up the difference in their earnings".

Warders are currently estimated to make an average of £1200 per week by supplying drugs to prisoners, on top of £500 for smuggled mobile phones and SIM cards.

The 'cover-up' by the Prison Service of claiming such items were thrown over 15 metre walls or smuggled in up visitors bottoms has recently been blown with 7 warders currently suspended from HMP Wakefield for running their own 'Phones 4U' service for prisoners, charging up to £250 per SIM card or £50 for 5 ready-rolled canabis cigarettes.

The recent smoking bans in prisons has already hit their earning for canabis and warders with big cars and big mortgages cannot afford to have their illicit earnings depleted further.

Under an agreement with the Inland Revenue, warders are not taxed on their drug and phone profits; they are classed as 'unearned income in kind' or presents from prisoner's families given out of the goodness of their heart.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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