"Legalize Crime" - Top Doc

Funny story written by The Medium Cheese

Tuesday, 17 August 2010

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Dr Killmore before his arrest

Former head of NASTY, the National Association for Spread of Tyrannical Youths, Dr Gary Killmore, says crime should now be legalized.

In an e-mail sent from his cell in Frankland Prison, Dr Killmore said:

"Decriminalising crime could drastically reduce crime nationwide"

He said that all laws urgently needed review, with the aim of repealing them. He said he formed his view after seeing the problems caused by handcuffs, police boots and spending a long time alone in his prison cell. Worse still, he said, was sharing his cell with "a leather thong wearing wrestler known in prison as 'The Bad Daddy'."

The government said it did not believe this was the right approach. In Dr Killmore's e-mail to police chiefs and politicians, he said he was expressing a personal view rather than that of the the medical profession.

He endorsed recent suggestions by medical professionals to legalize drug use, arguing that it is not just drugs that need legalisation. He argued that the policy of prohibition of most things harmed public health and encouraged organised crime and fuelled corruption.

Dr Killmore, who is on remand for the suspected murder of 54 of his patients, said his interest in the subject began when he was arrested last March. He told the Spoof:

"I am especially hopeful that repeatedly giving overdoses of lethal drugs to patients will be made legal soon."

"Everyone who looks at this in a serious way will conclude that the present policy of prohibition of crime is not a success. Crimes continue to be committed and keeping crime illegal costs the country a fortune."

"Every day in our prisons we see criminals having a go at the screws," he said adding that the problems prison staff encountered were the consequences not of crime itself, but of the fact that crime is illegal.

Dr Killmore wrote in his e-mail: "I back my brief, Johnny "lightfingers" Smith in recent his call for all laws to be reconsidered with a view to decriminalising crime. This would drastically reduce crime everywhere", he wrote.

Smith had reported recently that there was growing evidence that decriminalising crime would free up the police to do things like finding lost pets and giving out the time. He said the "punitive, justice-driven war on crime" had failed.

"I know my e-mail is proviking debate among hypocritical law makers in Westminster," Killmore told the Spoof. He said crime only remained illegal because of "moral posturing" by politicians.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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