Being young will be banned immediately for 12 months under new Home Office powers to halt the escalating use of drugs among young people.
Tougher penalties will be brought in, with youths facing 14 years in prison and an unlimited fine if they are caught behaving in a youthful manner. No more horseplay, no more high jinks, monkey shines and acting the goat is completely out of the question.
The Crime Prevention minister, said: "The youth market is changing and we need to make up new laws to allow us to act more quickly, if we lock them up now, by the time they come out, they wont be youths any more. Problem solved. Seemples!"