Van der Sloot Escape Foiled When Plans for Transfer to Maternity Ward Axed by Gynecologist!

Funny story written by Morse

Tuesday, 10 August 2010


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Evidence of Bizarre Escape Plot Foiled When Van der Sloot Caught Out During Anal Cavity Search!

Peruvian Prison Officials narrowly averted public embarrassment after an elaborate scheme by Joran van der Sloot to escape confinement was revealed after a routine pregnancy test on the detained serial killer.

It is widely known in the Peruvian Jail that van der Sloot has been marked for death by general population inmates who resent his 'star quality' including several social networking sites devoted to him, thousands of pieces of personal mail addressed to him everyday from lonely woman, and at least 4 women from around the world seen camping outside the prison hoping to get a glimpse of the sociopath.

One such woman, Meagan "Fanny" McWahrt recently arrived on Peruvian soil with her 8 children in tow as part of her world wide tour 'for education purposes' for her brood. McWahrt had recently attended the Raul Moat Tribute in Britain, then travelled to Graiguenamagh, Ireland to watch Irish builder Fergus McCarthy, "that stubborn bastard' singlehandedly construct his home rather than rely on council housing.

McWahrt, 33, and on benefits since 13 when she had her first child, said,'I'm educatin' me kids, see....the state gives me the money, so why shouldn't I travel and see the world a bit, eh? It's me money, and I can do what I want with it...besides, the kids weren't learnin' naught in school anyway...!"

McWahrt says by showing the kids 'the real heroes' in the world, she hopes they will never turn to a life of hard work, dedication and a sense of self worth.

"No future innit really, don't ya see...this way none of us have any stress and I'm sure we'll live longer than the lot of yer! You might say I've raised a bunch of independent BASTARDS! Ha on yer!"

McWahrt said she has petitioned Peru authorities to have a face to face meeting with Joran, just to let him know he has people who are willing to support him...."he's a real away with murder for over 5 years he did...Raul, bless his departed soul, only was on the run for a week...HA!"

Meanwhile Joran's devious plan to fake his pregnancy after a short courtship, engagement and prison wedding with his Peruvian cell mate started to unravel.

According to an inside snitch, the plan was to get Joran into the lightly guarded and insecure maternity ward just off the prison grounds, from whence plans had been put into play to spirit him out of Peru and back to Aruba where political contacts would ensure he was safe from extradition to any of the three nations that wanted to question him on felonious activities.

At first it appeared he would succeed as a test of his urine did seem to confirm he was pregnant, possibly with twins. Only after US interests demanded a full examination by a certified gynecologist, was the hoax discovered.

The report, released by officials stated that' while there was evidence of sexual activity, including bruising of the rectum and sphincter enlargement, further probing and a sonogram revealed that the subject was not pregnant, although at some point he may have suffered a traumatic miscarriage."

Van der Sloot has been returned to his maximum security cell, he has had his public defender file an petition of annulment of his marriage and now can only hope that the public outpouring of support can secure his release.

Ms. McWahrt said she'll 'hang around for a few more days, the weather is great here you know," before heading to Haiti and working on the Wyclef Jean presidential campaign...."now there's a bloke who really could show me kids a thing or too about getting a leg over the system," said the proud unwed mother of 8.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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