A 43 year old, divorced mother of four from Tredegar in South Wales recently sued her swimming coach for damages after she misinterpreted his advice to 'cover herself in lard' before attempting to swim the English Channel. The woman (who wishes to remain anonymous) said that in the 'Valleys' area of South Wales 'Lard' is a common name for excess body weight. When asked to provide a specific example she said that 'lard arse' was an insult frequently directed toward people who overindulge in the pie and cake department.
The woman maintained that as a result of the misunderstanding she went on to spend an estimate of £8,950 at her local drive through burger bar, £4,375 at a nearby sandwich and cake shop and and £3,387 on supermarket own brand milk shakes.
The woman told the hearing that she initially found it quite difficult to gain weight because her exercise and swim training routines were so intensive. She found that the only way she could free up enough time to consume food in the quantities required was to scale back the training. As soon as she made the decision to work-out less the pounds began to pile on quickly and at this point she was reasonably happy with the results. However, three months and four and a half stone into the plan her swimming coach took her to one side and voiced some 'professional concerns' regarding her extraordinary weight gain and rapidly diminishing fitness levels. It was during this conversation that the misunderstanding re: 'Lard' came to light.
The coach apologised for the misunderstanding and offered to provide free, intensive training sessions for as long as it would take for the woman to regain her previous 34-25-35 figure. The woman believed this was quiet simply 'too little too late' a view which was apparently shared by the judge.
The coach was ordered to pay damages equivalent to the amount spent in order to gain four and a half stone which came to a total of £11,141 This was broken down as £5,966 for highly calorific food and beverage; £180 for 4 Speedo swimming costumes in ever increasing sizes and £23.88 for extra antiperspirant.
In summing up the judge added that the cost of gaining the additional stone and half that was put on after the conversation that brought to light the 'lard' misunderstanding should not have to be met by the coach. When asked why she continued to eat in excessive amounts after the facts had come to light the woman said:
'Ummm, good question! Swim to France or cake and milkshake? Hang on, lemme fink ...'
