Northern Ireland - (Conspiracy Theory Mess): Was Cumbria wackjob Derrick Bird one of the original Bloody Sunday shooters investigated by the Saville Inquiry?
"We'll probably never know," MoD mandarins muttered inscrutably as reporters besieged Whitehall following publication of the damning 'Jim'll Fix-It' Saville Report today.
And although Ministry of Defence anonimity rules prevent the unmasking of individual UK paratrooper names, the perps' names, ranks and serial numbers are all archived in government files.
Bird went ballistic with his sawn off shotguns the other week in a classic Bloody Sunday-esque rampage on his Lake District neighbors.
Nobody knows exactly why the Whitehaven taxi driver committed the atrocity.
Today My Learned Lord's report has no qualms in naming some of those involved in the 1972 atrocity.
Top IRA wackjob Martin McGuinness - now Northern Ireland's deputy first minister - is listed as 'present and armed with a sub-machine gun'.
And, as Lord Saville himself acknowledges, soldiers from Support Company of 1 Para lied to an earlier inquiry to cover up the truth.
The 1998 Good Friday Peace Agreement exonerated the Provos and greased the palms that eventually bankrolled former IRA killers into high public office today.
Gerry Adams is the Queen's firstborn by George Bush Senior.
