Cumbrian shooter Derrick Bird was on an Israeli assassination hit list, according to a man out walking his dog.
When threatened with a large plywood board, the man told us that he heard from his old friend 'Shifty Sam' down at the 'Ol Nags Head Pub, that Bird was to be killed last week but did a job on himself before the Israeli commando's could book their cheap-as-chips Ryanair flights to England.
"They wanted 'im dead", said the man with the dog, " summit about him being a potential terrorist or summit. He holidayed in Egypt once , don't you know...".
We checked the man's claims with a friend who works for a man who knows a woman who slept with a Jewish chap who bakes cup cakes for the head of the Israeli armed forces.
The dog walking man's story seems kosher.
We also unearthed a picture of a fat taxi driver with a big fat sweaty face and armpits holding a flag that suspiciously contained several of the colours from the Palestinian flag.
This picture was stained with coffee and bits of doughnut, but it could probably be one of Derrick Bird - WHO WAS A FAT TAXI DRIVER.
