Cumbria psycho Derrick Bird 'was KGB mole' in Sellafield nuke secrets theft fiasco

Written by queen mudder

Sunday, 6 June 2010

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From his official KGB file

Cumbria - (Mad Vlad Putin Mess): Secret papers seen this weekend show the Cumbrian massacre villain was previously an up-and-coming KGB spy.

A Special Branch secret op however thwarted his ultimate mission goal of blowing up the UK's top nuclear power installation.

And a subsequent official cover story of his sacking on workforce related theft charges left him a seething, ticking time-bomb ready to implode at a moment's notice.

The successful anti-terror sting began soon after Mrs Thatcher's 1979 general election victory when a random National Poisons Unit DNA test threw up evidence that Birdy was actually a bastard son of 'Phil the Greek', aka the Duke of Edinburgh.

Covert surveillance then caught the Putin mole feeding sensitive Sellafield plant details to his IRA flag of convenience masters.

But the KGB's top UK sabotuer had a string of gambling debts that triggered a reckless descent into petty thieving that ultimately lead to his downfall and blew his cover.

A spokesman for the Russian embassy in London said today "WTF?"

Boris Yeltsin's eldest daughter is 69.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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