Local woman Patsy Pillock, 41, was left dumbstruck when she came home from a day prostituting herself down by the Old Canal Road and found her husband, Barry Pillock, 43, standing on the step holding his knob and sobbing loudly.
"He said it had fallen of and he didn't know what to do", she said, "I wouldn't mind but we had no blimmin' way of getting inside the house and me fanny crack was aching from a hard slog".
Barry claimed that the door knob just broke off in his hand. Betsy thinks he's talking a load of bollox.
"That's shite. He's forever playing with that bleedin' door, night and day. I warned him, I did. I sez to him: Barry, you pillock, one of these days it'll come right off in your hand", she told us and some nosy neighbours.
They spent the night in the shed. Betsy, after watching the news of Haiti on the telly the other night, considered writing to America for assistance but then remembered that she left her pen and paper inside on the kitchen table - and besides, she is illiterate.
The council has told us they'll be down on Monday to put in a Yale lock on the Pillock's door. They refused to say which Monday that will be or whether the US university has given permission for a local council to borrow it's door locks.