Not only did Wayne Rooney's 30 yard ROOOOOONER cause the BBC to choose a new lead item on the 6 o'clock News in place of the demise of the government, but the goal of the millennium struck the mouth of a writer for The Spoof who has since been unable to write anything.
Policemen wept, priests genuflected and women fainted, causing The Spoof writer to reconsider his future ROOOOOONTASTIC spoofs. The popularity of the Rhino-eared one and the obvious adoration the public feels for a half-witted, piggy-eyed, over-aggressive dwarf means there is very little appetite for spoofs ridiculing the way his goals are blown out of all proportion leaving The Spoof writer to consider a career writing copy for a well-known compare-the-market ad agency.
Lifelong red, Sir Matt Busby-Best-Law-Charlton, who has seen everything, said.
"Rooney scored. He picked up the ball and put it in the net. That's what he's paid to do."
Never mind. What does he know? Arsehole. English people have had very little to cheer about since Christmas, and rest assured, Wayne Rooney will continue to receive the kind of adulation in The Spoof only enjoyed by those whose footsteps he walks on water in: Best, Beckham, and Ronaldo. Their magnificent contribution not just to the beautiful game of football, but to humanity itself was noted by Mother Theresa, Vladimir Putin, Bill Clinton and Yehudi Menuin.
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