Thai mail order bride Hoo Flung Dat Wilson was granted a decree nisi by Hastings magistrates as she expressed deep disappointment at the size of her husband Jack's matrimonial package.
Speaking through an interpreter, Dat Wilson, as she is now known told the court that her husband had tricked her into the marriage from the off. Photographs which Wilson sent to Thailand were not actually of him at all, but publicity shots of Paul Michael Glaser from the days of the original Starsky and Hutch TV cop show which he'd downloaded off the internet.
Dat Wilson also told the court that Jack Wilson had sent her an explicit video compilation on DVD which provided indisputable evidence of his sexual prowess. The DVD turned out to be close up penetration shots of porn actor Ron Jeremy, lifted from a 1980's hardcore porn movie 'Sorority Chicks Suckfest'.
Upon her arrival in England, she was taken by Jack Wilson to a dingy flat in the Warrior Square area of Hastings where she later slept with some Albanians, three Poles and a Lithuanian.
Dat Wilson told JP's that she could forgive most of her husband's lies and deceptions, but found it all too much when Jack Wilson stripped off on their wedding night.
"He no have swollen plums and jumbo saveloy," she told the court in broken Engrish. "He have two peas and maggot. He no good to me. I have world's third largest vagina from Bangkok days. His maggot not touch sides. Plick."
Granting the decree nisi, Magistrate Amina Satiable commented that there was far too much misrepresentation on the internet these days, adding that if anybody in court knew a man similar to Ron Jeremy in his prime, who could hit the money shot right on cue, then they should leave a contact number and she'd get back to them.
More as we get it.
