Written by Trayla Trash

Friday, 15 October 2004

image for Ginger Love-God Fathers Brit's Baby
Billie laughs off rumours Chris is actually her dad too, in happier times

BILLIE Piper has fled to an underground bunker in northern Tibet to escape revelations that her estranged hubby, Chris Evans, is the father of Britney Spear's first child.

The tortured Dr Who star is said to be devastated at the news, broken on NBC last night, but hopes to be back in Britain next week to continue filming.
Co-star Christopher Ecclestone has already sent countless messages of support, fuelling speculation the two are set to become an item following the breakdown of the Evans' marriage.

Bespectacled DJ Evans, renowned for his good looks and sexual prowess, was said to have seduced the Spears in a trashy motel 15 miles outside her hometown of Kentwood, Louisiana.

Onlookers initially believed the appearance of a ginger Englishman in comic spectacles, a Hawaiian shirt and cut off jeans was Ashton Kutcher's latest attempt to catch the troubled singer on Punk'd. But the absence of a camera crew led many to believe this was no fling, and they were witnessing what could lead to the end of Brit's second marriage.

Retired couple Elwood and Ethel Liebermann, from New Orleans, said they overheard the singer tell Evans she would have her short marriage to dancer Kevin Federline annulled so she could share her life with him and their new baby.

Mr Liebermann, now a travelling Evangelist preacher, said, "These walls are paper thin so we could hear everything, even without a glass. After 10 minutes of needless fornication, she told the guy she loved him and suggested they book the Our Lady of the Third Chance chapel in the heart of the Blue Ridge Mountains to marry. There was also something about feathers and a hamster but Ethel choked on a pretzel at that point so I was forced to perform the Heimlich manoeuvre and missed the rest of the conversation. They will burn in the fires for this sin…you mark my words."

Federline, currently in Los Angeles working on a comeback video for rockers Heart, is said to be furious and is on his way back to Louisiana, for a showdown with his wayward wife and her ginger lover.

Reports indicate that Evans, who moved out of the marital home in Notting Hill last week, told his estranged wife that his trip encompassed a business meeting with Guatemalan film producer Manuel Perez. He did, in fact, meet Spears at the motel, where he wooed her with pink champagne and a box of Terry's All Gold.

His tales of Saturday night TV stardom and in-house power struggles at Virgin 1215 in London were also said to have impressed.

Meanwhile, reports are emerging that a Kentwood doctor's receptionist has been arrested following allegations that she leaked details of Spear's pregnancy to NBC.

Marge Dyer, a 59 year-old mother of six, was said to have breached strict patient confidentiality laws and has been whisked off to Washington DC for FBI interrogation. It was also alleged that Mrs Dyer - a former pole dancer in Pins bar on Highway 65 - smuggled a urine sample of Spears' to the NBC newsroom medical desk as proof of her allegations.

Her husband Elron (64) is heading up to the capital to offer his support, claiming his wife only had the best interests of the American public at heart.

"Britney is making a mockery of the sacred vows of marriage, it is vital people know what's going on. Marge and I have been married for 44 years, shortly after I won her in a game of poker with her father, and we have never cheated on each other with another bi-ped."

Mrs Dyer has been suspended on half pay until the outcome of her trial is known, though is currently locked in negotiations with the Weekly World News over the possibility of securing a slot as a guest columnist.

Spears' agent Darcy Dalrymple said the star was "over the moon to have found her soulmate" in Evans, and planned to marry as soon as possible. They have already earmarked matching rings on Ebay and hope to buy a ranch in Minnesota in the spring so they can raise their child in peace.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Baby, Tibet

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