OAP In Bus Stop Bust Up

Written by Skoob1999

Thursday, 14 January 2010


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Ello Ello Ello! Wot's Goin' On 'Ere Then?

For resident Heavington OAP Mollie McGarrigle, what should have been a routine trip to the post office to collect her pension and a trip to the butcher's for a ham shank and a neck of lamb turned into a nightmare as she went to catch the bus back to her home on the Sir Bobby Robson estate in the town.

What had hitherto been an orderly queue waiting for the number 46 bus was suddenly thrown into chaos by two seemingly unrelated events.

Initially, retired local Police Detective Sexton Blake, who always thought he was a cut above everybody else barged in at the front of the queue, sparking outrage, and then a gang of hoodies started throwing their weight about.

Plucky pensioner, Mollie, was having none of it.

"I weren't having it!" she told us. "Sexton fackin' Blake! I'll give him Sexton fackin' Blake!" she told us. "Arrogant shit that he is! I stabbed him up the arse wiv me brolly, then when he turned around I kicked him good and hard right up the goolies. Went dahn like a sack of loose shit he did. Tosser!"

It appears that other pensioners in the bus queue then put the boot in on the retired detective as he lay stricken on the ground. At which point the hoodies started to jeer and make disparaging remarks. Mrs McGarrigle takes up the story:

"One hoody - spotty faced little bastard he was, skinny too, looked like he needed a good feed up - he says to me that I stink of piss and boiled cabbage. Cheeky fucker. So I kicked him up the knackers too and stabbed him in the neck wiv me brolly as he went dahn. Then I put the boot in and arsked the other hoodies if they wanted some too. They backed orf. Spineless fackers!"

A major incident was averted as an armed police response unit arrived at the scene. Two people were taken away by ambulance and the bus was seven minutes late.

More bus stop bust ups as we get them.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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