Failed NBA Player Sues Baby Mamas for Child Support

Funny story written by Philip Moon

Monday, 14 December 2009


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Newark, New Jersey - Former New Jersey Nets recruit ReJean Barry Jackson filed lawsuit against the three mothers of his illegitimate children, seeking custody and child support. Rejean, a former college basketball player for the Kansas Jawhawks, said that he was filing in order to collect what was rightfully his.

"These deadbeat mothers think that sleeping with a basketball player is their meal ticket to a good life. They claim they're clean, (and I know it was that bitch Raynina that gave me the clap), and they claim they are on birth control, but it's all a ploy. Well, I didn't make it in the NBA and I think it's time those women got a job and took care of their kids," Jackson said.

Jackson made $3.2 million in the two seasons he was with the team. While he managed to pay down his New Jersey house and other debts, he says hell need continued support in order to keep a good lifestyle.

"I got three bedrooms for the kids and no job, so I can be Mr. Mom, but you know I gotta get paid if I'm going to buy them some toys and hire a babysitter so I can go out to the club," Jackson said.

Legal experts said this was the first case they could find of an athlete suing a baby mama, but say that it could set a favorable precedent for future players.

"We always hear about the big stars with the illegitimate babies, but what of the guys that don't make the cut? Hundreds of professional athletes find themselves cut from the team, but still owing child support payments based on large salaries. It's time for the jersey chasing women to start finding real work beyond birthing bastard children," said Mickhail Jorgenburg, special counsel for the NBA Players Association.

Feminist sports critic Molly Juben says that a ruling in favor of Jackson would be a set back to womens' gains in the sport field.

"Irresponsible and unfaithful sports athletes has lifted many women out of poverty, and for men to start demanding the same support will throw the equation off," Juben said, "Some of these women would have to have bastard children with up to three midrange pay athletes just to cover their child support and maintain a lower upper class lifestyle they deserve."

Court TV and ESPN will air live coverage of the lawsuit when it comes up in January.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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