Former German dictator and Nazi leader Adolf Hitler is to become the European Union's first president.
Speaking at the annual Nuremberg rally to commemorate the 1923 beerhall putsch in Munich, Hitler said to 125,000 fanatical Nazis: 'Look, um, hi, chaps! You know, I was just saying to Eva this morning, when she was putting out the rubbish - plenty of apple cores and potato peelings, some times it's hard being a veggie! - er, where was I? Oh yes, this European malarkey.'
'Bit of a load of old codswallop, isn't it? I mean, who knows why the EU even exists, and what is the point of it having a president? It's not a country, it's just millions of people trading with one another who otherwise violently hate the sight of each other.'
'The British hate the French, the Portugese hate the Spanish, the Norwegians hate the Swedes, and everyone hates the Germans. Not much of a union to be president of!', and the thousands of Nazis roared their approval at this rousing speech by their charismatic leader.
'People say I'm an effete twit, well, I am an effete twit. People say I'm desperate to get a meaningless job that will get me in the news for no reason, and I am desperate for that job.'
'Eva says to me 'Oh, shut up, Adolf, away and boil your head! I'm too busy being one of Britain's top barristers to listen to your piffle!', and, um, haha, she may have ... a point there. The Europeans have dared to bomb London with EU regulations, so, um, haha I say, let's not bomb Europeans, let's become president of that, er, dump! Seek!' 'Publicity!' 'Seek!' Publicity!'
And as Herr Hitler cycled away from Nuremberg to go and get his teeth whitened, his deputy Rudolf Rednose commented: 'Look, making Adolf the president of millions of people in a continent even though he's just an embarrassing windbag with no policies or power shouldn't be too hard. Just look at that American president Barack Obore doing the same thing!'
Napoleon Bonaparte was considering challenging the appointment - but not tonight.