Its official Britain is the tramp of the western world! We have dived in to recession so badly we are now just like the tramps you see in the street picking up used cigarette ends!
Leading European political economist Dr Ivan Aufulfeelin explained the position of westernized countries in the world following this economic downturn in a 6 hour speech to the rest of the world last night. Of course barely anyone could understand it as it was in 'politico', a language only understood by politicians and as yet un-deciphered by some of the world's top minds.
The Spoof caught up with Dr Ivan Aufulfeelin and asked him to explain in laypersons terms just how the economic recession had affected the westernized countries and his explanation is as follows:
"Really it is very simple, Britain have so much debt now you are looking at 100 years of financial instability, unless you have new radical idea's or some other equally drastic change you are basically bumming around the streets of the western world picking up the long cigarette ends chucked to the floor by the other westernized nations."
While it looks bleak for us some other countries don't fair so well either as he explains " France and Germany are like 2 slow or retarded brothers. France is the slow retarded one with no real purpose a little unsure of its sexuality and so it concentrates on style and élan to carry it through the hard times while not doing much to bolster the countries infrastructure as such they will not modernise much over the next 50 years and may in fact move backwards a little towards the 1970's or 1980's. Germany too is a little retarded but in a more useful autistic way, they are so very anal about efficiency and numbers that they have prospered and have not been hit as hard by the economic crisis as the numbers they have been crunching have been very good, but alas they have relied too heavily on numbers to NOT be wrong as long as the numbers look right it was good for them, shortly they will find that some of the people they have invested a lot with managed to fiddle numbers as well as the Germans look over them and as such whether they know and accept it or not, they will be up a certain creek with out a paddle!"
So great news Germany and France should also be in the mire along with us, but what of America?
"America will still be OK for a while but they are giving aid and money left, right and centre and making some big promises, a bit like a pimp promising to look after his stable of whores. At the moment America is still wooing other whores to join its stable and looking after its whores well, but soon things will begin to fall apart as other countries will no longer be able to pay for all the whores it's had in the past. Then when it begins to affect America it will start beating the whores and punishing the clients who cant pay it back and eventually a new bigger better pimp will come along and bitch slap America to the wayside (could it be China?) and look after all the little ex American whores better in its own way reducing America to its original inbred ways."
So there you have it the political and economic genius of Dr Ivan Aufulfeelin while a master of politics and economics his disturbing metaphors may need a little work!
