A small explosion occurred today in the media room at the Brighton conference centre. Three computers, one from a BBC reporter and two from national newspaper journalists, caught flames spontaneously several minutes apart. A technician on the scene described the situation as "an utter lack of metaphors that caused a short circuit."
Throwing the dice, running out of steam, spending their last penny, leaving the stage, switching the lights of, out of breath, lifeless, dead as the West pier, going round in circles, on its last legs. After a week of metaphorical brilliance, the British hacks had run out completely. They were seen staring desperately at their screens, typing and deleting, deadlines approaching rapidly, until they had a fever.
Thirteen reporters are said to have been taken to hospital, though none of them are in real danger. "They were confused, absentminded," Greek correspondent George Thasapoules told The Spoof. "I ran into a British reporter on the toilet and he was flushed, unable to find any words."
Some other journalists resolved to self-made metaphors, hoping not to be caught out. Outside the Grand Hotel, a Daily Telegraph employee was heard claiming the Labour government was "at the end of the horse track, slamming the pesetas, squeezing the woolen sweater," before running of into the sea laughing hysterically.
