Nelson Knocked Off His Column By Myopic Yank - Londoners Horrified

Funny story written by Skoob1999

Friday, 2 October 2009

image for Nelson Knocked Off His Column By Myopic Yank - Londoners Horrified
One Eye, One Arm, One Bollock - Nelson Fucked By Pink Cadillac

Trafalgar Square, London, just before tea time - Hundreds of shocked Londoners looked on in horror today as a pink Cadillac (but not a gay pink Cadillac) somehow surfaced in Trafalgar Square, seemingly lost, and looking for a way out.

As a man got out of the vehicle and started to direct the driver, the car reversed into Nelson's Column with a sickening crash, and Nelson started to wobble.


Anxious spectators looked on as the driver of the car leapt out, pulling a woman and two children away from the crash scene.

Then Nelson fell.

The concrete effigy plumetted to earth and demolished the pink Cadillac. No casualties were reported but Nelson's statue was admitted to hospital suffering from a headache and a pain in his good eye.

Metropolitan Police officers informed us that the driver of the pink Cadillac and his accomplice had been arrested. A woman, known as Janine, was led away from the scene along with her two children by female officers.

Met Police Spokesman, Chief Inspector Harry Kuntz told us:

"The individual driving the vehicle has been identified as Bertram C Hughes, and his accomplice as Frankie Jordan. They made a right fucking mess of Nelson's Column between them.

"Normally, we'd put this down to American inability to drive a proper car with a manual gearshift, but further investigations led us to believe that this may have been an act of terrorism.

"Bertram C Hughes and Frankie Jordan were known troublemakers from way back when in West 'By God' Virginia, and were suspected of starting a fire in the Chemistry lab of Charleston High School.

"For this reason, and the fact that they completely buggered up Nelson's Column, we've locked them both up and thrown the key in the Thames."

Further research by Spoof reporters reveals that the American miscreants, supposed lifelong friends had been involved in previous suspicious activity relating to the Statue Of Liberty, the statue of Christ The Redeemer in Rio, and the statue of Saddam in Baghdad.

Not forgetting the Golden Gate Bridge and the Sydney Opera House.

Janine Hughes, wife of one of the accused told us:

"These aren't bad guys. They're just very naughty boys who never quite grew up."

More as we get it

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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