Teddy Sheringham: "The rumours are not true"

Funny story written by Roy Turse

Friday, 2 October 2009

image for Teddy Sheringham: "The rumours are not true"

Former England footballer Teddy Sheringham has told journalists that the loathsome rumours currently circulating about him are emphatically not true. He has completely dismissed any claims that he is intending to come out of retirement to play for Beckenham Town in the Kent League.

During his career, Teddy Sheringham was known as a classic striker, often managing to score in spite of strong opposition. Famous for a string of celebrity girlfriends over the years, he met glamour model Jordan in 2000. He went on to poker after he retired from football at the end of the 2007/8 season, playing in some high-profile professional card games.

Several of his ex-girlfriends have said he could be rather insistent about them going to watch his football matches. One, who asked not to be named, said he regularly made her watch while he played away. "But at least he was considerate," she told reporters, "Another footballer I went out with knew I'd always been a Valley girl, but insisted on taking me up the Arsenal."

Sheringham's enthusiasm for the beautiful game and skills as an attacker are not in dispute, and once the unfounded rumours have stopped circulating he's hoping he can get back to a well-deserved retirement.

"I've been with some of the world's most beautiful women," he insisted, "Why would I risk it all by playing for Beckenham?"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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