Guests at the Royal Garden Party at Buckingham Palace were reportedly a tad miffed after many of them found themselves scraping corgi shit off their expensive designer footwear as they rambled the Buck House back garden sipping champers and unwittingly stepping in steaming piles of corgi crap.
"It was disgraceful," disgruntled guest Boudica Bodecea of Arc-Greer told us. "We were told that we must follow protocol and dress in our finery, and then, expecting to break the bread with Her Madge, we found ourselves swimming in dogshit. Quate farkin witewally. One mate quate expect this type of pollution on a council estate, but never in the Royal residence. It's a fahking disgrace. We mate as well have gorn off drinking Buds and shooting hoops with that darkie fellow what lives at the Whate Hoise now. At least one's shoes wouldn't ave been sullied with Welsh dog excrement."
We spoke to the Queen's Head Gardener and Corgi walker, Irish Ted, who bore a striking similarity to the Paul Whitehouse character, Ted, from 90's comedy sketch extravaganza, The Fast Show.
"I wouldn't be knowin' about the dog shite sir," Ted told us. "If they decided to shite it was their business."
Ahem! The headline for this story has been adapted from a writing characteristic of enduringly popular Spoof writer Queen Mudder. From that point onward, stylistic similarities no longer apply. This writer hopes that she isn't offended. Grovel, grovel, etc.
More as we get it it. With Our Usual CRAP headlines!