Written by Frankie The J

Thursday, 30 July 2009

image for Glasgow lass charged with "Spanking her monkey"
Three unidentified chimps show horror at arraignment of Scottish lass charged with spanking her monkey

A 19-year-old Scottish woman was charged with felonious assault, Thursday morning, after Glasgow police investigated a neighbor's reports of animal cruelty in the woman's flat. Meagan Regan was booked into the Crown's Pretrial Detention Facility at 0427 GMT, and charged with "Spanking her monkey," the police report stated.

"I was not aware that masturbation was an illegal act," stated Regan at her arraignment hearing before Magistrate Ron Paul XII.

"It is not, lass," stated the judge. "But your bloody screaming, at four in the morning, scared the living shit out of your neighbors," he concluded.

Bail was set at 400 pounds, sterling.

Regan is represented by Barrister Seymour Dicks who specializes in defending young women accused of sex crimes. "I am certain we shall find justice for this young woman," said Dick. "It was only last week that health officials insisted that young people consider masturbation instead of fornication in order to cut down on teen aged pregnancies," Dick told reporters.

A September court date is scheduled in the unique case.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: masturbation




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