The Pope was taken to hospital with a suspected broken wrist yesterday. A Vatican spokesperson denied that the Holy Father injured himself while having his nightly wank.
It is well know in religious circles that the Pope like to 'shake his rosary beads' before going to bed.
A page from a picture Bible depicting nudey images of Mary Magdalene having a bath was left opened on his bed. This page appeared to be well worn and, no matter how many times the book was dropped on the floor, it continuously kept opening on this exact page.
Vatican officials would not disclose which wrist was fractured - but wank-theorists claim that it could be either because the Pope is ambidextrous when it comes to 5-fingered pleasures of the flesh.