The police investigation into MP's expenses has identified a bizarre twist in the evidence trail.
Whilst digging deeply into the claims of the MP for East Cheam, Mr Lamar Middleton Penrose, who has claimed the maximum possible expenses since his election in 1997, Chief Inspector Bob "The Boffin" Bellend was doodling in the margin of his Police Gazette crossword.
"I had taken the kids to see Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets last evening and something about Tom Riddle was on my mind" remarks the Chief Inspector "and I could sense something about that MP's name".
Doodling on, he eventually came up with "I am Lord Peter Mandelson" from the letters in "Lamar Middleton Penrose"!
On further checking, it has emerged that the constituency of East Cheam is fictitious and only exists in the ancient BBC sitcom Hancock.
When asked to comment, Lord Mandelson gave off fumes of sulphur and stabbed himself to death with a basilisk tooth.