Anti-baby campaigner George C Cain told TheSpoof.com today that there is nothing cute about babies.
"A one-off gave birth to my child tonight," a shuddering Cain told us. "We didn't have a relationship, but we did sleep together as I recall, and today she gave birth to a baby boy."
Cain, hitherto a notorious homosexual predator who prowled the streets of his home town late at night for many years searching out young boys to do nasty things with, a bit like that John Wayne Gacy from Chicago, was eventually lured into a honey trap by a GIRL.
"I was ripped off," Cain told us. "It looked like a guy, and it talked like a guy. So I did the necessary. The guy said his name was Jesus Budda, which sounds like some really tacky on-line identity, but imagine my horror when I found out that Jesus Budda was really a GIRL. I had no idea until I was called to the maternity hospital."
As events unfolded, Jesus Budda was revealed to be a girl, named by police as Chamone, much to Cain's chagrin.
"It's weird," Cain said. "I'm an ass master, but this felt pretty much the same, except slacker. I really thought it was a guy, a pillow-biter."
Cain then broke down in tears as he explained that he was never meant to father a child.
"They're horrible!" he told us. "They have, like, big outsized heads, and big outsized eyes, like aliens. And all they ever do is drink milk and shit. Every time I close my eyes I think of Aspartame Boy and Jesus Budda's incredibly relaxed anal muscles. I should have known all along he was really a girl."
"We're going to call the baby, Colin," Chamone told us proudly. "He's beautiful, once you get past the big headed bug eyed stuff. And the constant shitting and puking up of milk."
Jesus Budda was too distraught to comment.
More as we get it.