Smooth criminal Mark Hat, today emerged from Wormwood Scrubs Prison in London, blinking in an effort to cope with something known as sunshine, and admitted that he was bad.
It made sense to this Spoof.com reporting team, because they don't usually put people in prison unless they've been a little bit naughty, but we listened to what he had to say anyway, mainly because we had nothing better to do.
"I'm bad," Hat told us. "I've done the crime and done the time. Just went in there and kept me head down. Minded me own. Read a book or two and played some chess. I am a smooth criminal, but not in a poncey hat wearing Michael Jackson kind of way. I'm not really rehabilitated. I expect I'll re-offend and get nicked again at some point. I am a con man, it's my job."
Hat then jumped into a waiting stretch limousine chauffeurred by a beautiful raven-haired beauty. Wearing shades and a hat, and with a figure to die for. Which prompted us to question the old adage that crime doesn't pay...
More crime related quackery as we get it.