Burnley has long been the home of flat caps, whippets, ferrets down trousers, and miserable Northerners moaning about them queers down in London. However, during the recent general election, Burnley turned an ostentatious blue, and its residents are...
Well known Burnley Apache Native American Tribe Chief, Geoff Tattersall was completely exonerated of animal cruelty charges by Lord Chief Justice Ken Mither this morning at Burnley Crown Court. Tattersall, who appeared in court under his real name...
Globally renowned Russian grunting tennis queen, Maria Sharapova, has announced that she is to pay a goodwill visit to her former minder, Reg Bond, at his shared Burnley B&B room ahead of this year's Wimbledon tennis championships. "I owe much...
Although his name is nowhere near as high profile as the stars he has been contracted to protect, Burnley based bodyguard, Reg Bond has finally turned his back on the high life, and returned to the Lancashire mill town with a view to opening a fish a...
Nigerian zombie, Winston St George Ndead was recovering this morning in Burnley General Hospital following a ferocious attack upon his person by a group of drunken humans on Yorkshire Street in the town centre. Bystanders relate that Winston was m...
Archaeological evidence supports the theory that the earliest human migrants battled woolly mammoths, sabre toothed tigers, wild lions, hippos, and wild boar, in their quest to reach the Lancashire settlement of Burnley. Historians agree that the...
It's such hot news that it probably won't be announced for a day or two yet, but the semi-derelict Lancashire mill town of Burnley appears to have been slated to host the British Grand Prix between 2013 and 2013. It is thought that F1 chiefs, tire...
The Bra Burning Coalition, the militant wing of the Feminism Movement, which is the political arm of Woman's Lib, which is a small book-store in Cambridge, is looking for a new venue for their annual Bra Burning. "We've been burning bras in Burnle...
The few remaining residents of the declining mill town of Burnley, in Lancashire, were almost unanimous in their condemnation of a Japanese businessman's plans to launch two sushi bars - one on the site of a former pub on Accrington Road, in the town...
According to sources, impressario Simon Cowell is planning to top his mega-selling TV cash cows, X-Factor and Britain's Got Talent, by producing a new reality TV show, which will involve the Royal Family moving into council accommodation on the Stoop...
Concerned zoologists had a good reason to be cheerful today, following the discovery of a sizable community of Amazonian tree frogs in Scott Park, in Burnley, Lancashire. The community of thorn-spitting yellow-backed Uppenattem frogs came to the a...
A swingers' party at a house on Ormerod Road in Burnley resulted in chaos over the weekend, with riot police, three police dog units, two armed response vehicles and a police helicopter becoming involved in the fray. Revellers blamed a mix up with...
Astonishing revelations surfacing in Burnley, Lancashire, claim that the bungling French detective, Inspector Jacques Clouseau, of the Surete - for a long time missing and presumed dead - has turned up in the rapidly fading mill town, along with his...
Beaten Wimbledon Ladies Singles finalist, Maria Sharapova has been outed as the mystery buyer of a £10,000 terraced house, on Pritchard Street, in Burnley, Lancashire. It is an established fact that Maria Sharapova has a massive fan base in the La...
Police in full riot gear are struggling to maintain order in Burnley, Lancashire, as fans of Russian tennis star, Maria Sharapova went on the rampage, following their heroine's Wimbledon Ladies Singles Final defeat to Czech, Petra Kvitova. The tro...
It's official - Burnley, Lancashire, has come down with a severe case of Sharapove mania. Unemployed wasters in the town - famous for having Britain's cheapest house - have taken to Maria Sharapova, and huddle around TV sets whenever the Russian tenn...
Mild mannered Burnley family man Alvin Topping 52 has come forward to local officials and turned himself in as the elusive Bigfoot alias the Sasquatch and Yeti. Topping, an actuarial by trade and clean shaven, seems an unlikely candidate for Bigfo...
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