The meteorological phenomenon that is Wimbledon starts today. It's June, midsummer, but it makes no difference because it's Wimbledon fortnight so it's bound to piss with rain for two weeks, to the delight of Michael Fish and everybody at the Met Office.
The All England Tennis Club of SW19, which sounds quite quaint if you've never been there, but is in reality a really boring London suburb, have this year installed a retractable roof on Centre Court to keep the rain off.
Critics say that it won't make a significant Difference. It seems that all the nut jobs who keep shouting 'Come on Tim!' from Henman Hill will continue to be disappointed, and that the retractable roof will, in all probability leak.
A spokesman for the Met Office told us:
"It's Wimbledon. It's the equivalent of a two week holiday for us. We just tell the punters it's going to piss down. And we're rarely wrong."
Acknowledgement to Spoof writing Legend Monkey Woods.
More tennis related tomfoolery as we get it.
