Roger Federer seen weeping at Roland Garros for the first time ever has explained to bemused reporters the reason for his emotional breakdown.
"My tears are not tears of jubilation because that Spanish, Mallorcan, puta madre, pretender to my crown has been dumped out of the French open with impunity, no, no, no!"
"The fucking wind here in Paris constantly blows the shitty gravel into my eyes and I hate the fucking place!"
"I have red eyes after every match and my tears are always mistaken for a weakness in my character after constantly fucking losing to El Toro, this is not the truth, the gravel, the wind and Paris are the reasons nothing else."
Dumbfounded reporters asked Roger, "why the fuck then do you keep constantly weeping at Wimbledon?"
Roger countered with a wicked passing shot and perfect volley, "I always cry at Wimbledon, it is my second home and that Spanish prick dared to steal my crown, what should I do, fucking laugh."
Another reason why I always cry is the terrble Brit weather, it brings tears to my eyes especially the thought of Cliff "anti-sex, only with my male secretary" Richard starting to sing with a bunch of incontinent OAP's, should I laugh???
Roger is looking forward to punching that Spanish bastards lights out this year and has promised never to weep in the brand new centre court again, but if he should lose to that other main rival Scottish twat and heathen, Andy Murray, he will not only cry constantly, but also commit hari kari in front of the Wimbledon, business-class, VIP, Royal, faithful!
Good luck Roger!