Maria "The Grunt Queen" Sharapova is happy to be returning to Wimbledon after problems with her throat put her out of action for a year after too much grunting on the court and in bed!
The long legged blond Bombshell has vowed to attack Wimbledon with impunity and grunt so loud that even the Umpires will have to wear protective earplugs!
Asked how long it took to perfect the technique Maria snorted with her best American/Russian accent, "oh five years of intensive training at the Nick Bollocktari academy."
"After studying the grunting techniques of former "Super Grunters" Monica Seles, the Williams Sisters, Justin Henin, etc, I asked Nick to improve my gruntings, so he put me on a "Blow Job" course with ex porno king Ron Jeremy and that gave it a stiff, deep-throat, turbo boost."
Spectators are being issued Grunt warnings + earplugs when Maria is on court and the BBC has promised to silence their very sensitive microphones, especially when Maria goes for a lob, stretches for a drop shot or is playing Serena Williams, second in the WTA Womens Grunting Ratings.
Finally asked about her grunting antics whilst having hot sex Maria gave a confident reply, "Ron Jeremy was a superb coach and in every single position I can release a mega-grunt, only problem is my boyfriends become so startled I have to use the hand/mouth serving technique to get some stiffness back!"